“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche
I’m Lola.
I’m sixteen, and I’m what’s known as a Trauma-Holder. I’m one of the alters who remembers the abuse we experienced when we were young.
I’m obviously not the only alter with these kinds of memories—there are many of us in here—but I’m one of the few that you’ll see on the Youtube channel.
Generally speaking, our Trauma-Holders like to stay out of the spotlight, but I think it’s important for people to understand the “other” side of DID. You know….the pain, the struggle, the flashbacks, the tears.
Another Important Thing to Know About Me:
Since I’ve been through so much in my life, I consider myself to be “blind.” I keep my eyes closed when I have control of our consciousness, unless it’s absolutely necessary for me to have them open.
Sure, I know that I’m in a body that can “see.” I’m not delusional, and I’m certainly not trying to hurt or offend anyone who really is blind by claiming that title for myself.
It’s just that there are a lot of things in life that feel too awful to see.
For a very long time now, I haven’t wanted to look at any of those things.
But…
I’ve been trying to get better about opening my eyes.
